Love The Team, Hate The Sponsor
September 1, 2015
Hey Argos Empire!
While at Sunday’s Argos/REDBLACKS game at Rogers Centre, I couldn’t help but notice how few REDBLACKS fans I saw in attendance. Sure, it’s a 4+ hour drive (or 5+ hour train ride), but with the energy they show at their home stadium I honestly anticipated/hoped for an influx of passionate opposing football fans in the dome to add to the game atmosphere.
So Tuesday morning I posted the following tweet:
I’ll admit, I thought @REDBLACKS fans would travel better. Hope we see more of ’em Oct 6 when they come to @TorontoArgos turf again.
— Bill Juby (@BillJubyJr) August 25, 2015
I tagged the REDBLACKS twitter account in the hope I’d get some kind of response from them or their fans. I didn’t have to wait long:
@BillJubyJr Fair amount of discussion from hardcore #Ottawa fans about a road trip. Majority decided they didn’t want to support Rogers.
— Defend the R (@DefendTheR) August 25, 2015
It’s a fair point, but it made me wonder, who is the most evil stadium sponsor in the CFL? Let’s look at the numbers (moving west to east) with an Evil Factor scale of 1 to 10. 1 being puppies on Christmas, 10 being YouTube ads you can’t skip:
Team: BC Lions
Sponsor: BC Pavilion Corporation (a provincial crown corporation)
Evil Factor: 5. All governments are evil, but BC looks more corrupt than evil, as per the BC Legislature Raids regarding the sale of BC Rail to CN Rail.
Team: Calgary Stampeders
Sponsor: University of Calgary (operated by McMahon Stadium Society)
Evil Factor: 4. Again, more corrupt than evil, with an executive padding their expense account, but they get the extra point for providing the world with more lawyers.
Team: Edmonton Eskimos
Sponsor: City of Edmonton
Evil Factor: 3. More public ownership. Photo radar overrun is boring bureaucracy, and the cops on steroids story wasn’t the gun-fueled evil I was hoping for.
Mosaic Stadium at Taylor Field
Team: Saskatchewan Roughriders
Sponsor: City of Regina
Evil Factor: 1. Yeah, 1. I couldn’t find a bloody thing evil about the city of Regina.
…Aside for its location.
Investors Group Field
Team: Winnipeg Blue Bombers
Sponsor: Investors Group
Evil Factor: 8. Ahhh…Now we’re getting somewhere! The financial sector, where greed grows fat pushing fiscal product on the masses. Also a group known for their aggressive recruiting policies, leading to some potentially unsavoury folk handling your retirement income.
Tim Hortons Field
Team: Hamilton tiger cats
Sponsor: Tim Horton’s
Evil Factor: 17. I know what you’re thinking. “But Jube,” You say, “Tim Horton’s is a is a national treasure! With so many of our nation’s citizens starting their day every day with a cup from Tim’s, how can they possibly be evil?” Between the exaggerated cup sizes, the environment-poisoning drive thru, and the infuriating lids, you can see the evilness therein. Plus, they sneak this monstrosity into every damn dozen! This isn’t the biased, anguished cry of the Timbit lover that’s been misled by a closed-yet-empty Timbit box on the company lunchroom table, oh no! Just because I brought ’em and somebody ate the last one while I was the only one working (thanks, Karen!). Make no mistake, my friends, Tim Horton’s is evil. And that evil accounts for a 7 on the Evil Factor scale. The other 10? It’s in Hamilton.
Team: Toronto Argonauts
Evil Factor: 10. A perfect evil score! How did they acquire this rating? You combine the company’s suspect charges & customer service, with the building’s security measures, You’ve got yourself some evil there. Oh, and the punchline? If the Blue Jays make the playoffs, they’ll bump the Argos from their home dates. A perfect end to the Argos tenure at Rogers Centre? Not completing the schedule at Rogers Centre.
Team: Ottawa REDBLACKS
Sponsor: TD Bank
Evil Factor: 9. Another financial institution, so you know there’s some goat horns hiding under that perfectly quaffed hair. Folks, this is our first full out Ponzi scheme! Let’s face it; anything referred to as a, “scheme” is gonna be pretty evil, and is there a more evil-sounding word than, “Ponzi?”
Percival Molson Memorial Stadium
Team: Montreal Alouettes
Sponsor: McGill University
Evil Factor: 7. The university puts out doctors, but have some crooked doctors, too, not to mention they’ve got their own angry hate page! Heck, the signage has some weird, not-English language written alongside the English part. You KNOW that’s gotta be evil!
As a quick reference, here’s your abbreviated list of stadiums from least to most evil:
9. Mosaic Stadium
8. Commonwealth Stadium
7. BC Place
6. McMahon Stadium
5. Percival Molson Memorial Stadium
4. Investors Group Field
3. TD Place
2. Rogers Centre
1. Tim Hortons Field
So, to evade the evils of stadium sponsorship, all you need is to avoid the financial sector, municipal governments, communications or fast food companies, and post-secondary institutions.
Or, build it in Saskatchewan.